The Cocktail Case

Indians I think feel a need to a people based on their community, sort of like keeping things organised.  So when therer's a question of the cocktails or the crossbreed or whatever the word is for children of the people who married outside their community they don't know how to deal with it.  Why can't people just let us be plain Indians or just accept that we are mixed.

Generally the trend is the kids are pushed in the direction based on thier last names / Paternal community.  So for example if a Gujrati girl marries a Bong guy the kid (who is 50% Gujju and 50% Bong) would be categorised as a Bong because the father is a Bengali.  However, if the mother was a Bong and father was a Gujju the kid (still a 50% Gujju and 50% Bong mix) would have been categorised as a Gujju! WHY? Isn't the child still made up of the same ratio? 

Talking of numbers reminds me of what a friend once told me.  He is a Mother is a Gujju and Father a South Indian so he has a South Indian last name.  What he said was... "I'm 50% South Indian and 50% Gujju but I have a south Indian last name and hence will be called a South Indian.  Someday when I decide to get married and if I choose a Gujju girl my kids would be 75% Gujju but will still have a South Indian Surname and will be called South Indian." We had quiet a laugh about it then but after that day I did think about it and wondered why do we have to be categorised?

I'm a 50-50 mix of Mallu and Konkani.  My father is from Kerela and Mother a Konkani.  My first name is Bengali and look like one too sometimes...  that confuses people and amuses me.  Its as if a person with OCD has been stopped from doing what he soo badly wants to do - Categorise :o)

When someone asks me what I am, I tell them I'm a cocktail and explain the ratio, blah blah blah.  Some people just nod while some at the end say oh ok so ur a Mallu.. that is such a facepalm moment!  I don't have a problem being called a Mallu.  Just that technically I'm a mixed Indian with a south Indian last name.  I have been brought up under the Maternal cultural influence, I don't speak Malayalam, or know much about anything on my fathers side of the family with almost no contact with my paternal cousins.  So at the end of it when someone calls me a Mallu it doesn't feel very right.  Why would they not accept a mix? It can be a little annoying at times - when I attend a (maternal) community function.  People would talk quiet nicely till they realise I'm a Mallu almost everytime they react as if they have bit into a Pomello assuming it was sweet lime! Its like a club where you need a last name to enter.  Even though people claim to be educated, liberal / broad minded they just cant seem to stop with tagging.

Sometimes when I explain to people that I am a mix and not to tag me they think I have an aversion to being called a Mallu.  Those who know me don't categorise me and those who don't... Well I really don't care.  Theres a lot to a person than just a last name.

The Key to Happiness

Imagine if there were a key that could unlock a secret door to a world of happiness how it would work? What would it look like?  A key but to a palce where you would always be happy! Wouldn't that be marvelous.  Then would anyone come back to 'Everyday'? Would it possible to bring bits of that world into our 'Everyday'?

image found on google

Its a challenge to stay positive all the time.  There will always be people around who are not happy, the ones that cringe when asked for help, those who try to pull you down or don't appreciate you. Yes there will always be rubbish people around that might make you wish there was a place you could escape to far away from them.  Someplace where you can be truly happy.

What does the world need? Money? Power? Oil? I think its peace, happiness and joy.  Behind all the violence, war, corruption and all the sadness and negativity there are people who are struggling to be happy.  Why do people wage wars, why do they do bad things? Definitely not because they are happy... Happy people don't do such things.  I think its because, somehow, somewhere, they have linked happiness to an external source.  While the key to be really happy lies within.

There are basically two reasons why we do what we do?
a) To Survive
b) To be Happy

These two different very different.  What we do by instinct is survive what we really want is to be happy.

Most people work to earn money, to survive, so that one day they might live to do that what makes them happy. - I don't believe that!

Do we really need to wait for that one day to be happy? Happiness is a state of mind.  Why can't we be happy now? Why not celebrate every moment that we live? Life is unpredictable! Every minute that we are healthy and alive is a reason to be happy.  I get happy and excited about every thing, from a text from a friend, a new coffee mug, to a keychain, to a day with no problems! You see what you want to see.  I love everything there is about life! Nothing can keep me low for too long and when I'm back I'm better than before.  You don't need any secret doors that open to happiness.  Its all around you.  You just need to find that excuse to smile! :)

So here's one for you: Of the thousand things I like to do when I'm not blogging is  check out what brings people to this blog. I saw there was this one post that attracted most people Happiness is a Choice this was most googled.  The second one was strangely I don't know why but people are seem quiet intrigued as why cockroaches fly! Not kidding, these are the actual stats! Thats why the cockroach article is the most read!

Anyway, even though it might seem like the roaches are most sought after my point is - People just really want to be happy and you don't have to give up on anything.  Its a state of mind.  I'm not saying thinking 'I'm happy' will work.  Some things in life come in small packages that are little piece to the huge jigsaw puzzle of the 'Happily Ever After'.  Don't skip these little notes in anticiption to a drumroll cue.  Happiness can be the little wild flower that grows in your garden or the cup of coffee that you share with someone! :)

Mother of Mine

I've made many attempts to post this article but somehow was waiting for a special occasion and many have passed - Mothers Day, Woman's Day, Teacher's Day and even my mum's B'day.  Well... she is the Iron Lady of my life, my first teacher, my guide, the source of  many inspirations - She is my Mother...Everyday is her day. I am the daughter of Nirmala. 

I'm sure many of us hold our parents in high regard.  This post isn't going to talk about why my mum is most special in the world... Its about She IS the MOST SPECIAL person in My World! She is My God - The Creator of me. 

Of the thousand memories that I have of my Mum I'd like to share this one incident.  As a child I imagine I was quiet difficult and stubborn.  My mum has always led by example.  She has never forced me to just blindly do as told but encouraged asking questions, thinking and always reasoned to convince me.

There was once this time when got a note from a teacher for not doing my homework and had to get my parents to sign.  I thought may be I should not bother them with such petty tasks and forged my mother's signature.  Next day in school I showed the note to the teacher - I wasn't a great forger and she realized I had signed it. I'm a horrible liar - I can't lie for nuts! She asked me if I had done it and I nodded a yes.

The teacher took me to the School Headmistress's office.  Any kid would be nervous I guess but I was thinking My god what drama over homework not done! They really need to chill! So anyway, that day I went home with a note from the Headmistress!  Now I was nervous, homework not done would still have been easy to explain but how to I start to explain a forgery!? By evening I managed to muster up some courage and handed her the note not knowing what to expect.  She read it and then asked me if I had done. Then she wanted to see the copy and asked how I did it and then... Wait for it.... She smiled! Then she says.. "Its OK, these are those once-in-a-life things. I had done it once too when I was in school. Just don't do it again"  and I was off the hook!  

You can only imagine what a WOW moment that was.... I left thinking I have been blessed with a really cool Mom! I never again did repeat it, also when I think back I know some other people might have spanked the kid for this - not doing homework, forging notes where is this kid headed.  It was the 'reaction' that changed everything. She never raised her hand on us, she could always make us understand by explaining the situation. But more importantly I think it was also because she remembered what it was like to be a kid. This is also a good parenting lesson, someday when I have kids I know this is one of the stories I will be sharing with them :)

She used to call me a day dreamer. Yes, that's where I first heard this word I was all of five!  She would sometimes consult me silly matters but its very important, which I don't think many parents do (at least not many from my time).  They just tell the kids what to do and are not really bothered about their opinion. But that is important, it made me feel valued.  She taught me what the right thing to do is but the choice was always mine. She has only passed good things to her children.  I owe all my successes to her.  But the failures would only be my responsibility, faults that I have are my own for its only because I forgot her lessons.  

I possibly can't write everything in one post but to sum it up.  Nothing we ever do in life to try to repay the debt to our mother is ever going to be enough.  Selfless love like a mother's is something that can never ever be replaced or repaid.  

My Mother, I will forever be indebted and grateful to you for everything!

Two Friends - A Short Story

Boy, have I been away for a long time! Life kept me buzy.  Lots of good things happening.  This is not an open dairy - I know that and I keep telling myself - but many good things have happened.  And Joy is a thing to be shared.  Life as we know isn't always full of fun and happiness - ofcourse! -  we appreciate it more because of the days of melancholy, gloom and despondency.  There were a lot of sad resentful events taking place around that made me angry - killing of the girl child that was in the news, women safety issues in Delhi or rather the lack of it! Not to forget the dirty politics Ughh! On the personal front there had been a few mini storms blowing. Nothing major but you know how EVERYTHING seems to go wrong when we are in a terrible situation.  I'd rather spread joy than wallow in misery and self pity! I'm too good for that :D hehe

I think us humans enjoy drama - there's a reason why those Balaji serials do so well you know! - the feeling you get when the heart skips a beat sort of stimulates the brain in some way! So here's a story - 

Ananya had been married for three years and was now a mother to a little baby boy.  Her life was perfect - a loving husband,  a happy and healthy baby and a promising career.  There were some moments when she remembered an old friend... Dhriti.  They were close friends during the college years but had fallen out of touch.  Ananya partly blamed herself, it was around the time she got married. It was a love marriage, Tanmay - her husband - belonged to a different community ... a different part of the country actually.  In a country where the caste system still exists it had taken a lot more than just coaxing her parents to agree to go through the wedding.  It had been a quiet registered marriage followed by a quick traditional ceremony. 

While sorting out family issues after love, friendship was placed on the back burner. She couldn't share this with her  friend who was working in a different city. By the time the news reached Dhriti it was over 6 months.  Ananya was in a different city and she did not have her new number. There was e-mail but there was also the ego.  Dhriti was surprised but not any more than she was hurt.  She was happy for her friend and told herself that there must have been 'reasons' for her friend's behavior.  She assumed Ananya wanted the space and maintained her distance.  She did miss their friendship.

Three years later Dhriti was back in her hometown for a trip.  While at the supermarket she ran into Ananya's mother.  She was happy to see Dhriti and inquired about her life, she was also gushing about her new little grandson - Luv.  Dhriti was delighted to hear about Ananya's baby.  She asked for her phone and decided to let bygones be bygones...  she had to speak with her friend.  That evening she dialed her friend as thought's about what her Ananya might say or how she would react ran through her mind.  

"Hello Ananya! How's your baby doing?" is what she managed to speak as Ananya answered the call.  "Hello, umm Sorry... Who's this?"

"I knew you wouldn't recognise my voice.  Still Do you want to guess?"

"Your voice is soo familiar!.. I'm just not able to recollect"

"Its alright.  Three years is a long time... I'm someone you seem to have forgotten" Dhriti smiled and sighed as she said this.

"It you Dhriti! OH MY GOD! Its You! I'd recognize that smile anyday."

"How have you been? And how's the baby Luv?"

"Umm I'm good.  Luv is learning to stand...  How have you been?"

"Why did you not call me? I was always happy for you... "

"Dhriti... I'm Sorry! Really, I can't tell you how many times I thought of calling you but only stopped because I was afraid you'd be upset.  I missed you and then it seemed like it was too late.. It seemed awkward to call you.  I didn't know what to say... I'm really sorry!" Ananya paused to fight back her tears.

"Yeah, you should be. Well you can apologize every week till the rest of your life every time you call me" Tears welled up in her eyes as she said this. She knew Ananya was truly sorry.  She was still the same person and nothing seemed to have changed.

The rest of the conversation was alright. They spoke for two whole hours like they had never stopped talking and this was just another of the regular phone calls. They  met the following week are now in touch and very much at peace with  each other.

Sometimes its as easy as picking up a phone call to clear misapprehensions.  How many times do we actually do it?

The Bank of Secrets

Once upon a time, far far away there was a bank that specialised in locking away secrets.  Why have a bank you wonder?  Well, because some secrets are so heavy that they are difficult to bear.  Plus, depositing a secret in a bank meant a lighter heart along with the assurance that it was locked away in a safe. This bank also had Checking and a Current account system. the checking account was for individuals who visited only when they had to deposit secrets while the current account was for therapists and psychiatrists they would deposits their confidential secret files with the bank on a daily basis.  Opening an account was simple but it was making the deposits that took a little getting used to. When the customers had to deposit their secret they would need to cogitate over the subject they wanted to deposit.  The bank deposit section had a thinking room the place that facilitated the deposit process. 

The thinking room was the place where the secret extraction process took place.  The clients had to sit in the 'Extrication' chair which was similar to the dentist's chair but only they did not use the same tools. Next, a 'Thought Plucker' is placed over the head that it covers even the face.  The exercise then begins, the client has to think about what they want to deposit - The Secret. They have to close their eyes think about every little detail and let their thoughts flow and completely relax. When the entire process is complete the result is a key. This is the key to unlocking the secret that has been deposited. Each individual's key is unique as are their thoughts and secrets.  It's texture feels like it's made of lac. It's a delicate key the bank hands this key over to the client after payment procedure has been completed.

Ah yes.. The payment.  All customers are required to make a one time payment for every deposit that they make. The currency was gold bars, minimum value deposit cost about 3 gold bars.   The value for the deposits as per the key complication standard - the more twisted and great the secret the key design would be that much more complicated. This key would be handed over to them after the payment was complete.

The security was super tight but there were those rare instances of theft once in half a century or two and when that happened it sure did cause a scandal.  The theft was not because someone broke in but because someone went to retrieve the secret and could not contain it.  You know secrets,  they are generally deposited to be forgotten but for some reason some clients held on to the key and passed it on to somebody who happened to be a little too nosy.  Most clients would crush the ever delicate key as soon as they got their hands on it so the secret was sealed forever.

What if this bank existed today? Wonder what kind of secrets would be deposited. Who do you think would be its High Net Worth clients?