Moving On... Goodbye

It was 1.20 am on the clock, Raashi stared at the blank email template wondering where to start.  She had thought about it but actually typing it out would need a little more courage, she picked up her 3rd mug of Bloody Mary and chugged it down. She was in love, real love, but it was unrequited and the story had to end.  Love however wouldn't.

It had been a month since they had last spoken. 'Shashank the elder', as she thought of him.  He would try to make a point sometimes saying "I'm older than you are, I know better" or "I'm older than you are, listen to me".  She smiled as she thought of how he'd say it.  She remembered everything about him.  Every minute they had spent together.  And how he had made her feel.  She was almost sure of when she might have fallen in love with him.

She hadn't been in many relationships in the past. She was weary of people... men and had trust issues.  Somehow he had managed to jump over those hurdles.  He had changed her in so many ways and she thought he should know about it.  She wasn't an arts and crafts girls, sure she was a DIY girl but the two aren't the same.  She never thought she had patience to make those cute explosion cards, but she had made one for him.  She wasn't the type to go see friends off at the airport but she wanted to, for him.  She wanted to hug and kiss him good bye.  She never thought she'd travel and try to make a long distance relationship work. But she had done that too.  She had this list of things which she thought was silly and she'd never do.  But she had done almost everything on there.

This email she was going to write was also a thought she had been wrestling with for a while.  She was always verbose about her thoughts and feelings.  So this also needed to be said clearly.

It's important to have boundaries.  Walls help identify where they end... or begin, depending on where you're standing.  They help identify what's yours and what's not.  And this distinction is important.  You need to slap yourself sometimes to wake up.  To help see more clearly above any delusions.

She had thought this through practically.  "It's like cutting the umbilical cord" she mumbled. Babies are almost parasitic, they latch themselves onto the host (Mother) and derive nutrients from her until they are strong enough to survive without the extreme attachment.  She actually loved babies.  But the thought of the current world affairs made her think that may be she shouldn't add to the global population.  With pollution rising and the looming threat of a third world war... As she coiled up in her chair pulling her knees closer to her chest, she sighed looking back at the email and realised she was almost missing the train of thought.

"I Love him but I can't have him, it's not going to work. You have to officially end this chapter. Please do it!" she said to herself aloud.  Her body as if to oppose, shut the laptop picked up her phone and walked away from the table.  This needs to happen.  The relationship was dying and it hurt because he didn't care about it.  He was clear there would be no future together.   

'Shashank​' the name meant the moon.  She had liked it ever since he had told her the meaning.  He had become the moon of her life. She had cried enough about it.  More than a couple of nights to realise that if she's the only one feeling what she was feeling, to the point that it was just self harm... She needed to walk away from it. 

She picked up a bottle of water from the fridge and walked back to the laptop. She was going to write a letter and say good bye. Goodbyes, like boundries, were important.

Turning 30

I remember thinking when I turned 25, that I’d be 30 in no time!  I dreaded turning 30 since I was 25! Turning 30 has been made into this really big deal and while some us of might think it’s not, there are whole lot out there who think otherwise. I have to admit, I have been a part of that lot till about a month ago. For most it’s the general social checklist i.e.  the job, car, house, marriage, kids etc and if you’ve got the ticks in.  Me thinks, the whole lot is usually people who are not 30 yet (or those pesky aunts/relatives trying to get you hitched)! 

A month after turning 20, I had moved to Mumbai because of a job.  I’m still a part of that company and would be completing a decade working there!  At the end of the recruitment season in college I had two offers in hand, one was Hewlett-Packard and other was JP Morgan.  HP had been coming to our college for years and we knew our seniors were working there; we would have someone to go to if we ever needed advice.  JP Morgan on the other hand was a company none of the students had heard of. Whoever chose it would be the first batch, I chose the latter because it would be an adventure.  At the time I thought why not discover something new? 

I’ve grown and learnt so much about life in the last 10 years!  Made loads of friends, built relationships, grown up, grown apart and even lost a few friends.   The first five years of the last decade were spent mostly at work, not just because I was a workaholic but because it was work + at office.  I made some of the best friends during this time of life and I’m to say I still have almost all of them.  I honestly did not realise the first 4 years pass and office was the first home away from home.  It was after these dear friends changed jobs and moved away that brought the differentiation of personal and professional time.

I do have a few regrets (wouldn’t be life without it right?) like not having enough time with my family  and not  being around while my little brother grew up from being 3.5 ft to almost 6ft tall. Taking some things too seriously when I should have chilled out and relaxed and other times being silly instead of having known better.  Wait, they’re not all regrets, some of them, most of them have been lessons and I’m still glad it all happened. If someone now asks me ‘Would you do it all over again?’ I’d say ‘No!’ Because its one life, you learn and move ahead.  Why would anyone do the same thing twice unless it was like the Ground Hog Day movie? :P

Today I am thinking of all the people I have met over the last decade and thanking those that have made a difference.  I also thank my parents for the values I hold and take responsibility for any shortcomings I have.  Parent’s support is one of the most important thing in a child’s life and I feel truly been blessed for the constant support my parents provide me.

Looking back at the decade I feel extremely proud of what I have achieved.  I think its living alone and managing everything myself that has taught me the most.  Although I have friends who I could call on in tough times I have weathered some storms alone and that has only made me stronger.  It’s like knowing you have a net but still making that successful tight rope walk without having a wire attached. Life is going to throw some punches but as long as you keep getting up its going to be okay.

So much of life has happened in a decade and I can’t wait to see what else is in the future store!

Rape

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For The Love of Mysore

When I was little I found these picture postcards of a Mysore - The palace fully light up at night, the daytime view of the palace, the inner chanbers, the Vrindavan garden.  I thought I would definitely go there someday.  Our family travelled in summer or the winter vacations but we never really went to Mysore. 

Years later when I started working we also started interacting with the Bangalore branch folks and over time some became quiet good friends. So I took a 4 day trip to Bangalore to meet the friends there.  Mysore is quiet close to Bangalore and I was really keen to include it in the itenerary. On Friday when I reached I asked if anyone would want to come along there were about ten people who said they would join me however by end of the day the numbers had dwindled to just three girls.  There was Baby Boo, Raspy Rams and me (ofcourse these aren't the real names!).  It was too late in the day to get a booking with a tour guide so we decided we shall go to Mysore on our own take the early morning 7 a.m. bus to Mysore. 

The next day I reached the bus depot at 9 a.m. and by the time the girls arrived it was 10 a.m. We reached Mysore City at around 1 p.m. and more than half of the day was spent just getting there. We had thought of a day's trip in the city but with all the sights to see we realised we would need to spend the night in that city. After a nice sumptous meal we scoured around to find a nice hotel where three girls would be safe. After checking 3-4 places we finally booked one. I was the most happiest.  This was the place I wanted to visit for so long and I was finally here.  I couldn't stop jumping :D We quickly freshened up and left to see the much famous palace.

The Brave Trio

The Mysore palace was everything was so much more than I imagined it to be. It really takes your breath away. To imagine that once upon a time a royal family lived in there. It was also sad that something that was home to royalty is now just a meuseum. Photography isn't allowed inside the premises, the below photographs are postcards that were sold there.

The Royal Seat

Golden Room

The Palace Exterior

 It really felt quiet fulfilling to see the place I always wanted to visit. It was 6 p.m. when we finally finished touring the palace grounds.  The next place was Vrindavan Gardens.  We headed to the bus depot since one of the locals (atleast we thought was a local) told us that Vrindavan was just an hour away by bus. Rams knew it closes by 9 p.m. and thought we would have enough time and would be able to get back in time.  We got in a bus and were happily chatting away.  It was about 1.5 hrs later that we realised there might be a problem.  It was the longest time I spent stuck in  traffic ever.  We realised we were lagging due to this crazy traffic, the queue of vehicles went on and on we couldn't see the end of it.  A few people started to disembark and started to walk.  Thats when I started to get worried.  

It was almost 8.p.m. the place would close dowm by 9 anyway and we were still far from it. I was considering if we should just take the buses going in the opposite direction to take us back to Mysore and back to our hotel. But Rams was still optimistic that we would make it.  We stayed put. another hour went by the bus had moved a little and it was the edge of patience for me.  The girls and I got off the bus and started to walk in the direction that all the cars and buses were headed. We could see Vrindavan compund at a distance but we knew it must be closing.  Walking more further we saw hordes of school childern walking toward the opposite direction. It was a weekend and kids walking away from the Garden - enough proof that the place had closed.  We decided to turn back, find a bus that was now going toward Mysore city. 

It was almost 9.30 and I was extremely worried. I was the oldest and I felt a sense of responsibility for the girls.  It was because of me that we had made this plan.  The place that looked so wonderful in pictures now seemed a forsaken end of the world.  Away from familiar surroundings, amongst strangers and none of us trained in defence, it felt like we could be vulnerable targets.  What if we were kidnapped or killed or if something worse happens.  All horrible thoughts started to cloud my mind.  The bus we had left behind was now finally reaching where we were. I was tense and very quiet.  Baby Boo realised it and was trying to cheer me up.  Both the girls were calm like they knew we would make it back.  I just wanted to get us back to the comfort of the hotel room. After walking and waiting for buses we finally managed to get one.  I was relieved. Tt was 10 o'clock and we were tired, I was also very hungry. 

We hadn't eaten anything since lunch.  Tensed and hungry are not a good combination.  I was starting to get agitated and was just quiet lest I vent my anger on the girls. Baby Boo was making jokes. That girl is a one pack of energy.  The whole time she was soo cheerful I guess she balanced out the tense mood between the three of us. Both the girls were chatting and trying to make me laugh.  Baby Boo said something which I now find couldn't be anymore true.  She said "Nikki, years later when we talk of this trip we are going to think of this very moment in the bus and laugh :)"

We finally reached our hotel dead tired and hungry as hell.  The hotel had a cave themed restaurant and the food was good.  After dinner we felt like our oldselves again. The next day we ventured out, hired a rickshaw and saw the places close to the hotel.  We had a noon bus back to Bangalore so we weren't able to see anymore of Mysore.  But we all hope that someday we shall return to see the Vrindavan ga rdens and other places that we did not manage that day.  What seemed like a night of ordeal is now a crazy fun trip that we all took - one that built a bond which is truly rare.  As Baby Boo said we do laugh when we talk of that Mysore trip.

Recent Disney Movies - Reflection of Changing Times?

The movies could most possibly be categorised into one of the three types:

a) Story that talks about what happened.

b) Story that reflect the current conditions in society.

c) Story of human imagination and possibilities of what future might look like.

Every decade would have movies that would fall in one the above categories. What triggered today's post was movie Maleficent.  But before that a summary of what I noticed in movies Frozen and Tangled.  Frozen was based on the story the Snow Queen and Tangled which was based on Rapunzel

Until the movie 'Frozen' Disney's Fairy Tale adaptations had always stuck to the 'True Love's Kiss' theory where a Prince must kiss the female lead in order to save the day / world. Disney's Frozen broke this trend when the Princess Elsa accidentally freezes her sister's heart only an act of true love can save Anna from turning to ice. The Prince that Anna thinks loves her dupes her and the kiss is not what saves the day.  It was the act of sisterly love that Anna displays by saving Elsa when Prince Hans is about to kill her even as she is turning to ice. The other distinct change was that Elsa is made queen of her kingdom without having to get married and the 'Happily ever after' does not include marriage or a 'Price Charming'.

The previous movie Tangled took a slightly different take at the Rapunzel story.  Though Rapunzel is locked in the tower it and has long hair it seems she is quiet independent and is confident of defending herself with her frying pan.  She meets not a Prince but a charming thief who agrees to show her the world and in that journey she discovers who is really is. Toward the end Gothel (the villainess) kidnaps Rapunzel and brings her back to the tower. Flynn arrives to rescue Rapunzel only to be engaged in a fight with the witch but in the end its not the him but Rapunzel that saves his life and that too not by the much heard of True loves kiss but her tear that falls on him. So Rapunzel is not the damsel in distress but the Hero!

 
Brave was another movie where the Princess was an absolute rebel who did not want to get married just because it was the norm.  She fought and even beat the suitors that were competing for her hand. If she hadn't been brave and had done just as she was told she would have just been a prize to the suitor that won all the rounds.  That movie did not not have a prince or romantic angle and was more focussd on the mother daughter relationship and inspired to chase your dream.

The latest Disney movie that is a based on the story of Sleeping Beauty. Growing up we all read the story of sleeping beauty and must have watched the old Disney movie Sleeping Beauty I'm sure.  Even though there were changes to the original Sleeping Beauty story you would still love it if you keep an open mind. [spoiler alert] Maleficent does curse the baby Aurora but then she is also the one looking out for her as she grows up. Aurora calls Maleficent her Fairy Godmother because she has feels Maleficent has been watching over her since she was a baby. But the most striking change in the story is its not Prince Philip's kiss that awakens Sleeping Beauty (it does not work in the movie) but Maleficent motherly kiss that she places on the sleeping Princess' forehead promising that she will not let anything harm Aurora which brings her back to life.

The common theme in the retelling of the stories as I notice it is that:

1.  With changing times may be we are all moving away from the idea of a Prince Charming / Knight in shining armour.  The ladies can take care of themselves and can overcome barriers if they believe in themselves.

2.  True love's kiss which is an idea of the romantic love is not the only thing that can save us but there are also other relationships in our life - our family that can do the same or even more to save us.

3.  There seems to be an acceptance that a 'Happily Ever After' doesn't really need a marriage. It's not really marriage but LOVE that is needed to be happy.

All the above said I think the underlying message is that of  'Women Empowerment'.  We hear about it at our Workplace, Business, Politics and I'm guessing Disney is doing their bit in changing mindsets. Its not about special treatment for women but encouraging and providing them with equal opportunities.  In the old stoies women were just damsels in distress that had to be saved by strong men and that could be seen as conditioning of the minds to be the norm. But with changing times the stories are being re-told to usher new views.

Dove Play Date - The Best Indiblogger Meet

I have been excited from the minute I saw the email from Indiblogger about the Dove PlayDate that was planned on 11th May.  I had quickly registered and called up my blogger buddy the one I met at the first Indiblogger event. This was an all ladies event held at the JW Marriot Mumbai and the dress code was anything in white!

The first thing we do at every event is register (this was the third event and I'm now getting a hang of it).  The faces are starting to get familiar and I like that feeling of familiarity.  But there were and are always many many new faces.  

As soon as we registered we were given badges with our name and a wristband with a team number.  All of us were being clubbed into teams. We were handed a map of the area and a list of the activities planned for the day.  It was all so beautiful especially the hall as soon as we entered.

 After the intital introduction we were split into teams and asked to name our team after a hair style.  We were 10 ladies and the name we finally decided on was Messy Buns.   There were a few ice breaker games followed by a quick 10 minute Zumba workout.  The workout was invigorating and set the mood for the games ahead.  

We were then explained the different games we would play and taken to the different setups.  They were all team building games. One was finding dove balls and tossing them in a basket which was quiet exciting.  Next was a hairstyling game where each lady had to pick a hairstyle and do thier partner's hair. My partner did this very pretty pony and I did her hair in another type of pony (now I wish I had clicked her pic!)

After that was a jigsaw puzzel where we had to put part of a Dove poster together.  We completed it in 3 minutes and felt quiet proud.

Team Messy Bun

 The next section was one of the best - Dove Salon where we could get pampered, relax, get a hair cut or styled.  Most laties from the team decided to curl up thier hair.  I went it for a quick trim and the hairdresser suggested I should blow dry my hair straight.  While the stewards served us delicious wine.  It was indeed very relaxing.

However our team had then to go and complete a final task called Hips don't lie - a Hula Hooping activity. None of us were any good so we just got the default score for this.

The last contest of the day was Cocktail Making.  None of us ladies in our team had ever made one.  I assumed we would be given instructions and stepped up for the task.  The judge explained what is absolutely necessary for a good cocktail - Ice, Lemon, Sugar and the Spirits. He also explained what is a large (60 ml) advising that the drink should not be strong and the different types of glasses to be used. We had a choice of three spirits to choose from - Rum, Vodka and Gin.  I had tatsed the Cosmopolitan once and had quiet liked it.  I was told it was a Vodka based drink.  So I decided to replicate it with a little twist.  I put together Raspberry juice, less than half of that large measure and added lemon juice.  This was a drink that had to be shaken - so I was advised by the assistants so I added ice and the mixture to the shaker and after some shaking poured out the drink in a Martini glass.  I added a bit of mint and we decided to name the drink 'Sassy Berry'.  When it was time for the results I was excited but since I had made a drink for the first time thouhgt I might not win and it would be okay.  To my surprise I made it third! I was really happy. Even thought it was a third place but it was something I did for the first time.

After the last event there was prize distribution for the team with maximum scores. Our team did not win but we all made some friends and it was great getting to know them.

This event was about the new Dove Intense Repair Shampoo.  I have been and advocate of Dove for quiet a few years and this shampoo is the best so far! It really takes care of your hair and let you WHATEVER you want - Iron it straight or make them curl - Dove will take care of the damage. Here's a link to the Dove page with more details on this new shampoo.

Everybody was talking about how this was the best blogger event and it was! It was also one of the most interactive events I ever attended. 11th May was also Mother's day but its made everybody at the feel special.  We were all women, mothers or potential mothers :) DovePlay made our day!

My Samsung Galaxy Note1

I am very attached to my gadgets. They are extentions of me and it hurts a lot when they break or are stolen.  My last lamenting post was when my first camera fell and crashed its lens to bits.  I love taking pictures and yes it almost made me tear up when I saw my camera wasn't going to be fine again.  I bought a new camera and blogged about it too.

This time though its more personal - My phone, my Samsung Galaxy Note 1 was stolen from my backpack while I was on the train station.  Not sure when it happened but when i realised it was gone I was more than emotional.  It was not just a phone, it was everything, it had everything about me, and I had lost all contact with the world.  I felt violated.  I hadn't lost it, that would be careless.  It was taken from me and yes that made me cry. The cops were not helpful and they did not register the complaint when I went to them within the hour it happend.  I felt weak and absolutely alone.  I was on my way to work but I was too disturbed to do anything. After wiping away the tears I realised that first thing I had to change all the passwords to the apps on my phone.  It was a Friday - 14th March 2014, a day before the Ides of March.

Ever since I had bought the phone I had completely ignored my laptop and had even disconnected the internet connection since my phone did everything. I had to find a cybercafe.  It was while searching fot a cybercafe I realised that there weren't so many around.  The ones i had seen a few years ago had shut down.  I guess its not just me.  Everyone can access almost everything through even the simplest smartphones these days why would anyone go to cyber cafes? After looking and asking around for about 30 minutes I found one.  Upon entering I saw that the equipment was ancient.  The old fat monitors were still ok but the system had  windows XP on it and it was running at snails pace. The browers were outdated and it was excruciating to wait for each page to load and get the password reset process completed for all the accounts.  The entire process took me about an hour.  I was late for work, there was a fun event planned and I was suppose to buy the gifts but this whole episode had put me off.  I reached office and was feeling very disconnected.  I had lost all my contacts.  The only numbers I knew were that of my brother and my cousin.  I called my brother and cousin informing them what happened and that I wouldn't be reachable for a few days. I was feeling sick and a little stupid.  I had a smartphone and I wasn't very smart about the security I hadn't installed any security app to manage a situation like this.  I never thought anyone would steal - take the the phone from my bag!  Lesson learnt the hard way its very important to have a mobile security app, something that can track your phone and that can also erase all data remotely when stolen.

That weekend  was spent in phone hunting.  Its very confusing when you have to buy a new phone but don't want to spend as much as you did last time since there are many budget phones but then you also want quality that you are used to already.  At last I ended up buying a Moto G recommended by a friend. This phone is not bad - its actually quiet good in its price range.  Its got a 1GB RAM, 16 GM internal memory, dual SIM, Quad Core processor, perfect screen size that I was looking for and beautiful. :)  I doesn't compare to the Samsung Galaxy Note1 but then I did buy a Moto G.  Even though its not a Note its smart and sleek and this time I have the security option to wipe out data if (which I hope not) it gets stolen.
 
After losing the Note1 did not want to spend that much again on another phone.  So I bought a phone that had a smaller screen so it fit in my pocket and still had almost all the necessary functions. And I got a missing  phone complaint filed too - that was an achievement. I am yet to completely fall in love with my new Moto G.

Would I recommend my new phone? Yes, but if you do not want a big screen phone and within budget. My other option was the Micromax Canvas Turbo but the screen was as big as the Note and I wanted something that would fit in my pocket.

Samsung Galaxy Note1

MotoG

IndiBlogger Events - A first

I was welcomed into the Indiblogger community for almost year and yet I wasn't able to attend any of the meets or events that took place.  I was either out of town was too late to book a seat.  Until one day I saw an e-mail invitation for a Sunsilk sponsored film screening - Real FM a short film by Anurag Basu. The event was on a Friday evening and the invitation was sent just couple of days prior to the event. I was excited and wondered if I was going to make it to the event or if I it was going to be full already.  I followed the link and there were seats available! I was so excited I think a little 'Yay!' escaped through my lips :D  It was a working day and I work UK hours usually i.e. IST 1.30 pm - 10.30 pm mostly.  It was short notice and I wasn't sure if my boss would approve the flexi work day request.  Since I wasn't able to ever attend the events due to some or the other reasons I really wasn't sure I'd make it.  But I did, the boss agreed even though it was one day notice.  I know some might think I get excited too easily but I thought that getting to attend any of these events was jinxed.  

Finally it was the Friday and I left work and reached the venue. I did not know anybody and was going alone.  I was excited till the time I got, there then I saw all these people some of them in groups, quiet a few looked like college students.  I wondered what I was there for, I had no expectations and I wanted to attend an event.  The people at the registration desk very warm and welcoming that felt nice. I signed in. The setup was that of a mini red carpet.  The e-mail did say it was screening of a short film red carpet style.  There were movie posters put up and they had a small stall for pop-corns, another section with a RJ console setup and there were photographers clicking photo! People were posing with the props - the console, microphone and headsets, some solo while some in groups.  (FB Link to the photos) I got one clicked too.  We were surprised when they printed those photos and gave it to us - oh and all of it was free! :) I wasn't the only person to go there alone.  I met another personal blogger and we got talking and turned out we had a few things in common and she seemed very nice and funny. I made a new friend.

Then the doors opened for the movie screening. Before the movie the IndiBlogger co-ordinators had fun questions where some people won moolah, or surprise gifts.  I had no luck, we were sitting in the first row and the person asking questions just totally overlooked us! Lesson learned - don't sit on the first row.

The short film was quiet heartwarming and fun.  It was a story of 4 girls - friends who get stuck in a situation and manage to save the day.  Initially I thought it was predictable but as the story built up it made us hope that they succeed - even though you know that is how it ends and they save the day. What I loved most about the movie were the songs.  They did complete justice to being a film about a FM station and all the songs were really nice. At the end of it all it was a wholesome first blogger event experience.  We were all expected to head home and blog about the event the story while not quite giving the story away.  The movie was going to be aired on MTV that Sunday.  

There was also a blogger meet held on Sunday - a second event but a first official 'Indiblogger Meet' for me.  That was a brunch event. When I reached for the event this time some faces were familiar.  The registration desk people and also my new blogger friend I had met. It felt a little familiar this time and yet there were sooo many more people that I did not know. The meet was for a Kotak Bank event promoting JiFi (pronounced jiffy and not like wi-fi) Link to photos This was a slightly bigger event, more people and had celebrity guests - Author Chetan Bhagat was there to talk about why we should have an account with Kotak Mahindra Bank.  This was a noon party and they even had cocktails being served I was surprised how people could consume alcohol at noon. Guess if it's free anytime is good. At this event it seemed a lot like these events are about free food (drinks sometimes) and a reason to blog. It made me write something after ages. :)  After attending two events and making new acquaintances I feel more responsible to write :D hehe.

Few Things I Love...

As I lay in bed I was thinking of where my life is at the moment and almost wondered how I got to this place.  There are the things I love, the things I'm good at and the things I simply do. First it was what I just do.  I'm sure every has or definitely get to this place at some point in life when you suddenly wonder how you got here.  Was it really what you wanted and maybe it was... May be after you get it there are those rare times and things don't seem that amazing anymore.  But that isn't bad I think.  This feeling only makes you realise that there is one thing less you would like to do. Then my thoughts moved to what I'm good at doing i.e. working with people!  I like to help people, make them happy, I'm good at it and nothing makes me happier than knowing that I was able to bring a smile to someone. 

Just to share a heart warming incident that was also saddening.  One evening I was walking home after a movie with friends we had to cross a road that had heavy traffic and did not have a signal stop.  People had to wait for enough crowd to gather and then everyone would cross the road together.  While waiting for that little pause in traffic I spotted a little homeless street kid about 5-6year old may be who wanted to cross the road.  It was a huge crossing and in a city like Mumbai that has beggars at every signal people did not pay attention to this little child.  I asked him where he wanted to go and he pointed his finger at a corner shop across the street.  I held his hand and helped him cross, I was curious to know what he wanted, if he was a beggar boy.  I walked a little ahead and then watched what he was doing.  He had two coins in his hand and he bought a couple of chocolates.  It’s always makes me sad to see kids wanting for something to eat.  I walked up to the shop and bought a packet of wafers and gave it to him.  He seems so happy that moment, it was a surprise :) I asked him if he wanted anything else to eat, thought I'd give him a Wada pav or samosa.  I was looking around for a food stall, saw one few feet away.  I asked him to follow me and he did.  When we got to the stall I asked him what he wanted and he pointed to a bottle of aerated drink. I advise my friends against having aerated drink and I wasn't going to buy it for this child.  The place had a sugarcane juice centre and I bought him a glass of sugarcane instead.  The boy seemed happy nonetheless.  He was happy for that moment.

This made me feel a little bit nice for that little while but I actually felt much much worse about the situation of the child.  He was a little child and he was buying candy. He should be in a safe place and playing with toys , not having to want.   I did not know if he got food everyday or not.  It breaks my heart when I see little children begging on the streets.  And worse that there is so less that I can do for them.  Giving them money is not the solution; I always buy and give them food when I can. What kind of a future would he have?  What would this little boy grow up to be? What would he learn while growing up? Begging? Stealing? One of my friend said there is nothing you can do about it.  How many such kids would you feed?  It’s not even the same person each time.  

Isn't there anything! If there is one thing I want to do absolute selflessly, it is to change the life of one person for the better.  I had told this to a friend once and he said how I would be able to support someone else while I should be thinking about sorting my life first. I'm not sure how but I hope that some day I will make it happen.

Coming back to what I started writing I'll just sum it up:
What I love - I really love to travel, read, write, cook and meet people. Oh and I can't forget Movies!!
(Note: These are just 'things' that I love doing, Otherwise it would be my family topping the list!)

What I'm good at - I'm good at helping people and making them feel good, motivating, and bringing positivity.

What I simply do - My job! Just BAU - i.e. Business As Usual at office where I work.  Gotta to something for money! :P

Its nice to be able to put a list together because at times when everything seems grey, something like makes you realise theres a rainbow within :)

A Cup of Coffee - Part 2

Those who missed part one can read it Here.

Sanjay:
He was an accountant at Chaganlal and Associates.  He was the introvert with a huge close circle of friends. It was on the way to pick up his phone from home that the rickshaw had collided with an zooming BMW.  It was a deadly accident and he did not survive.  A life had ended.

Preeti:
She had been working at the coffee house for 8 years and was now managing it.  She was good with people and liked her job. The next day on her way to work she had seen the abandoned crushed auto rickshaw on her way to work and heard about the accident that happened the previous night.  "How sad" she had exclaimed when he heard that the rickshaw driver and the passenger had died.

Rakesh:

He was a college student and visited the coffee house almost everyday with his friends.  Sanjay was one of his 'Coffee house friends' - the people that you see everyday and then eventually become friends because they met everyday. He had heard of the accident but realised that it was Sanjay only a week after when he tried calling him.  He knew about Sanjay's mountaineering trip and was numbed to hear how he had died.  Made him think how fragile life is.  He would often think about the discussions they had over coffee when he visited the coffee house.

 Rita:

She was a regular customer there and everyone knew what her usual was.  She never knew Sanjay even though both of of them frequented the same cafe.  It was going to be another usual day at work for her.  As she sipped on to the coffee she hoped to have a better day than yesterday.

Ved:
Two months later Ved received a confirmation letter.  He had finally got a job and was happy.  He would be working at Chaganlal and Associates as an accountant.  On the way to office he noticed the coffee house.  He thought to himseLf how these coffee houses seem to have become a fad.  These places might be good for coffee but they don't really do justice to Tea. 

Life - We all have face these little moments when we feel it's the end of the world or that nothing can really get worse than what it already is.  There are so many people in the world and each has their own set of worries.  Having read part one - you would realise these 5 individuals are really irritated, sad and grumpy.   Each one thinks that there is nothing worse or even if something does happen it might at most make them pause for a moment before everything goes on as it did.

The harsh truth... Life goes on...

For the Love of Shoes!

When I had moved to this city I had a few rules about the amount of stuff I can have and when it was close to the limit I had to make a choice of what to keep and what to throw away. I dont remember when I stopped checking the limit, then i suddenly realised everything is full! the cupboard and even the bags (they were suppose to be empty and pakced away!) Theres stuff everywhere!  Then  to add to it there are sales going on.. how is a girl suppose to resist that? Especially someone who loves shoes :P Look at these.. It would be a crime not to have brought these home.  

Oh...and before you think I'm a crazy shopper... No I did not buy all these at once.  I met them over the past couple years. Yes, I met them.. I love each one of these they almost like a personality.  These are some really good shoes.  Im not brand concious but for those who are.. these come from Enroute, Amore and Catwalk.  

You can never have enough of them and whats most wonderful is no matter what the weight might be the shoes always fit :D

Everydays

Red! Kitten Heels

Everyday Favourite

Loves my feet more than the others

Grey Sturdy Newbie

Mauve Suede Love!

I do not always wear high heels but these are my loves... I do have flats and sneakers and I am not really the type to write or show off my shoes but these beauties cant be kept in a box all their life! :D

A Cup of Coffee - Part 1

Following are some events of a day in a city...

Rita:

Rita was driving home from work.  It had been a long day that ended at 8.00 PM, she had skipped her lunch today and did not have time even for tea. Its was almost mid December and she was tied up with the year end activities. Everything had to be completed earlier than usual because of the holiday season.  She had grabbed a sandwich from the cafeteria that had mostly probably gone bad in her purse.   She just hungry and tired and just wanted to get home.  There seemed to be a terrible traffic jam at this signal that was about 20 min away from her home.  "Oh why did today have to be soo horrible!" She thought to herself as she honked to signal the car ahead of her to move on.  It seems there had been an accident and that was causing a problem.  "Move on, you slowing down is not helping anybody" Rita said to herself as she pounded her hands on the wheel impatiently.  She was extremely agitated and just wanted to get out of the road and get home.

Rakesh:

The movie was boring and Rakesh was contemplating if he should walk out or sleeping through it.    He decided to sleep through it and make best used of the air conditioning and the comfy chair of the theater.  This is how he would be best use of the money he spent on the ticket.  His friends had forced him to watch this movie - which he had presumed would not be so entertaining and he was right.  Unfortunately, the movie was too loud to be able to sleep through even!   He would have to sit through it. 

Ved: 

Ved was on his way to pick up his mother who was out shopping.  He was thinking how he had been reduced to a family chauffer and errand boy since he lost his job 8 months ago.  He used to be a happy man but losing his job was almost like losing his identity.  When he worked at M&T Corp he was the Lead Accountant, he loved his new job - he had jumped into this role with a substantial hike in his pay.  But when recession hit the company was retrenching the new staff they had hired.  He lost his job and with it his joy.  He was looking for jobs and was sure he would get another offer and a btter one at that but after 4 months he was becoming desperate.  At the end of 6 months he had started to become bitter and now he was just dejected.  He was not happy at all.

Preeti:

She was returning home after shopping.  There had been so many sales going on and she had made some really good purchases and saved a fortune. It was savings ofcourse, if she were to buy items at retail rate.  She was looking for an autorickshaw with shopping bags in both hands she was waving out to taxis or autorickshaws if any would just stop.  She had 6 hours shopping and now her feet were killing her.  If only she could hail a taxi, suddenly her sandal heel broke. "Oh Noo!!" She almost let out a yell on the road as she cringed with irritation.

Sanjay:

He had just returned from a moutaineering trip and had slept through a whole day.  He had been out meeting some of his friends at the coffee house.  He had a day off and the others were joining him after work.  He got into a rickshaw and was heading toward the coffee place. After about 5 min he realised he had forgotten his phone at home.  After being in a place without network for 2 week he was not used to checking his phone.  He asked the rickshaw driver to turn around.

Read Part 2 Here

Wedding Phobia?

I know I have these beautiful ideas about marriage and having been through a really close friends wedding I realise how special that is.  Its not just about the two people getting married its also about the two families coming together.  Both the individuals gain a whole new family and find themselves in a host of new relationships. I know the girl moves out of her home but I think these days its not such a big deal as it used to be what seems like eons ago.  Although, when she comes back to her parents home after the wedding she would be only visiting as Mrs. Somebody!

So... I have an idea of the kind of marriage I'd want and the family I'll have someday. At the same time I've been having these horrible nightmares about my wedding.  I see myself in the Mandap and the rituals going on the matras being recited and at the same time I can hear the thoughts in my head going "You're marrying the wrong guy! Get out of here!" and I wake up scared and heart racing like mad.

Most my friends know I'm single and looking to settle down.  Those unmarried and my age are doing exactly the same thing but I wonder.. Do they ever have these nightmares? (as I type this I wonder if I should be talking about this with one of those friends instead of posting about it.  But since I let so many ideas die out in draft I think this would up the TRP :P hahahahahha)

I tried to think logically why I've been having nightmares.  I'm not really afraid of commitment as such but may be it was the thought of having to spend forever after with that 'One' person (I don't want to think about options if I do get married to the wrong guy). Its a life sentence and you get to choose your cell mate. One wrong decision and you could be screwed (sense the pun?). The thought of what if I make a mistake add a tiny bit of pressure.  Also, time is of the essence isn't it.  When I was younger I had a life plan - that is different from what it is now - and I'm long way off it!

Since that plan is outdated I've decided to talk about it... It was simple

1. Fall in love at 23 
2. Get married at 25
3. First baby at 27
4. Second baby at 29

Now to point out, Step 1 is not something that can be planned.  You might say point 2 is.  Well, not for me.

I can't imagine getting married to somebody I don't feel love for - The real love! I've had friends whose marriages were arranged and they are happily married.  May be the system works for them.  For me its not so much about getting married as 'Who' is it that I would be spending the rest of my life with and loving every living day of forever after! When I've talked about this line with my friends, the married ones are quick to response by "You can't be really happy every day, there will be tough times."  I completely understand that! Life isn't a holiday, its a journey where you choose your company, your friends and after a certain point you choose the partner for life.  That one person who you would always support and who would always be there when you need them.  

That said, I'm not afraid of marriage or getting married, I'm not even thinking about marriage.  But I do hope to meet that special somebody... Sooner rather than later.

The Cocktail Case

Indians I think feel a need to a people based on their community, sort of like keeping things organised.  So when therer's a question of the cocktails or the crossbreed or whatever the word is for children of the people who married outside their community they don't know how to deal with it.  Why can't people just let us be plain Indians or just accept that we are mixed.

Generally the trend is the kids are pushed in the direction based on thier last names / Paternal community.  So for example if a Gujrati girl marries a Bong guy the kid (who is 50% Gujju and 50% Bong) would be categorised as a Bong because the father is a Bengali.  However, if the mother was a Bong and father was a Gujju the kid (still a 50% Gujju and 50% Bong mix) would have been categorised as a Gujju! WHY? Isn't the child still made up of the same ratio? 

Talking of numbers reminds me of what a friend once told me.  He is a Mother is a Gujju and Father a South Indian so he has a South Indian last name.  What he said was... "I'm 50% South Indian and 50% Gujju but I have a south Indian last name and hence will be called a South Indian.  Someday when I decide to get married and if I choose a Gujju girl my kids would be 75% Gujju but will still have a South Indian Surname and will be called South Indian." We had quiet a laugh about it then but after that day I did think about it and wondered why do we have to be categorised?

I'm a 50-50 mix of Mallu and Konkani.  My father is from Kerela and Mother a Konkani.  My first name is Bengali and look like one too sometimes...  that confuses people and amuses me.  Its as if a person with OCD has been stopped from doing what he soo badly wants to do - Categorise :o)

When someone asks me what I am, I tell them I'm a cocktail and explain the ratio, blah blah blah.  Some people just nod while some at the end say oh ok so ur a Mallu.. that is such a facepalm moment!  I don't have a problem being called a Mallu.  Just that technically I'm a mixed Indian with a south Indian last name.  I have been brought up under the Maternal cultural influence, I don't speak Malayalam, or know much about anything on my fathers side of the family with almost no contact with my paternal cousins.  So at the end of it when someone calls me a Mallu it doesn't feel very right.  Why would they not accept a mix? It can be a little annoying at times - when I attend a (maternal) community function.  People would talk quiet nicely till they realise I'm a Mallu almost everytime they react as if they have bit into a Pomello assuming it was sweet lime! Its like a club where you need a last name to enter.  Even though people claim to be educated, liberal / broad minded they just cant seem to stop with tagging.

Sometimes when I explain to people that I am a mix and not to tag me they think I have an aversion to being called a Mallu.  Those who know me don't categorise me and those who don't... Well I really don't care.  Theres a lot to a person than just a last name.

The Key to Happiness

Imagine if there were a key that could unlock a secret door to a world of happiness how it would work? What would it look like?  A key but to a palce where you would always be happy! Wouldn't that be marvelous.  Then would anyone come back to 'Everyday'? Would it possible to bring bits of that world into our 'Everyday'?

image found on google

Its a challenge to stay positive all the time.  There will always be people around who are not happy, the ones that cringe when asked for help, those who try to pull you down or don't appreciate you. Yes there will always be rubbish people around that might make you wish there was a place you could escape to far away from them.  Someplace where you can be truly happy.

What does the world need? Money? Power? Oil? I think its peace, happiness and joy.  Behind all the violence, war, corruption and all the sadness and negativity there are people who are struggling to be happy.  Why do people wage wars, why do they do bad things? Definitely not because they are happy... Happy people don't do such things.  I think its because, somehow, somewhere, they have linked happiness to an external source.  While the key to be really happy lies within.

There are basically two reasons why we do what we do?
a) To Survive
b) To be Happy

These two different very different.  What we do by instinct is survive what we really want is to be happy.

Most people work to earn money, to survive, so that one day they might live to do that what makes them happy. - I don't believe that!

Do we really need to wait for that one day to be happy? Happiness is a state of mind.  Why can't we be happy now? Why not celebrate every moment that we live? Life is unpredictable! Every minute that we are healthy and alive is a reason to be happy.  I get happy and excited about every thing, from a text from a friend, a new coffee mug, to a keychain, to a day with no problems! You see what you want to see.  I love everything there is about life! Nothing can keep me low for too long and when I'm back I'm better than before.  You don't need any secret doors that open to happiness.  Its all around you.  You just need to find that excuse to smile! :)

So here's one for you: Of the thousand things I like to do when I'm not blogging is  check out what brings people to this blog. I saw there was this one post that attracted most people Happiness is a Choice this was most googled.  The second one was strangely I don't know why but people are seem quiet intrigued as why cockroaches fly! Not kidding, these are the actual stats! Thats why the cockroach article is the most read!

Anyway, even though it might seem like the roaches are most sought after my point is - People just really want to be happy and you don't have to give up on anything.  Its a state of mind.  I'm not saying thinking 'I'm happy' will work.  Some things in life come in small packages that are little piece to the huge jigsaw puzzle of the 'Happily Ever After'.  Don't skip these little notes in anticiption to a drumroll cue.  Happiness can be the little wild flower that grows in your garden or the cup of coffee that you share with someone! :)

Mother of Mine

I've made many attempts to post this article but somehow was waiting for a special occasion and many have passed - Mothers Day, Woman's Day, Teacher's Day and even my mum's B'day.  Well... she is the Iron Lady of my life, my first teacher, my guide, the source of  many inspirations - She is my Mother...Everyday is her day. I am the daughter of Nirmala. 

I'm sure many of us hold our parents in high regard.  This post isn't going to talk about why my mum is most special in the world... Its about She IS the MOST SPECIAL person in My World! She is My God - The Creator of me. 

Of the thousand memories that I have of my Mum I'd like to share this one incident.  As a child I imagine I was quiet difficult and stubborn.  My mum has always led by example.  She has never forced me to just blindly do as told but encouraged asking questions, thinking and always reasoned to convince me.

There was once this time when got a note from a teacher for not doing my homework and had to get my parents to sign.  I thought may be I should not bother them with such petty tasks and forged my mother's signature.  Next day in school I showed the note to the teacher - I wasn't a great forger and she realized I had signed it. I'm a horrible liar - I can't lie for nuts! She asked me if I had done it and I nodded a yes.

The teacher took me to the School Headmistress's office.  Any kid would be nervous I guess but I was thinking My god what drama over homework not done! They really need to chill! So anyway, that day I went home with a note from the Headmistress!  Now I was nervous, homework not done would still have been easy to explain but how to I start to explain a forgery!? By evening I managed to muster up some courage and handed her the note not knowing what to expect.  She read it and then asked me if I had done. Then she wanted to see the copy and asked how I did it and then... Wait for it.... She smiled! Then she says.. "Its OK, these are those once-in-a-life things. I had done it once too when I was in school. Just don't do it again"  and I was off the hook!  

You can only imagine what a WOW moment that was.... I left thinking I have been blessed with a really cool Mom! I never again did repeat it, also when I think back I know some other people might have spanked the kid for this - not doing homework, forging notes where is this kid headed.  It was the 'reaction' that changed everything. She never raised her hand on us, she could always make us understand by explaining the situation. But more importantly I think it was also because she remembered what it was like to be a kid. This is also a good parenting lesson, someday when I have kids I know this is one of the stories I will be sharing with them :)

She used to call me a day dreamer. Yes, that's where I first heard this word I was all of five!  She would sometimes consult me silly matters but its very important, which I don't think many parents do (at least not many from my time).  They just tell the kids what to do and are not really bothered about their opinion. But that is important, it made me feel valued.  She taught me what the right thing to do is but the choice was always mine. She has only passed good things to her children.  I owe all my successes to her.  But the failures would only be my responsibility, faults that I have are my own for its only because I forgot her lessons.  

I possibly can't write everything in one post but to sum it up.  Nothing we ever do in life to try to repay the debt to our mother is ever going to be enough.  Selfless love like a mother's is something that can never ever be replaced or repaid.  

My Mother, I will forever be indebted and grateful to you for everything!

Two Friends - A Short Story

Boy, have I been away for a long time! Life kept me buzy.  Lots of good things happening.  This is not an open dairy - I know that and I keep telling myself - but many good things have happened.  And Joy is a thing to be shared.  Life as we know isn't always full of fun and happiness - ofcourse! -  we appreciate it more because of the days of melancholy, gloom and despondency.  There were a lot of sad resentful events taking place around that made me angry - killing of the girl child that was in the news, women safety issues in Delhi or rather the lack of it! Not to forget the dirty politics Ughh! On the personal front there had been a few mini storms blowing. Nothing major but you know how EVERYTHING seems to go wrong when we are in a terrible situation.  I'd rather spread joy than wallow in misery and self pity! I'm too good for that :D hehe

I think us humans enjoy drama - there's a reason why those Balaji serials do so well you know! - the feeling you get when the heart skips a beat sort of stimulates the brain in some way! So here's a story - 

Ananya had been married for three years and was now a mother to a little baby boy.  Her life was perfect - a loving husband,  a happy and healthy baby and a promising career.  There were some moments when she remembered an old friend... Dhriti.  They were close friends during the college years but had fallen out of touch.  Ananya partly blamed herself, it was around the time she got married. It was a love marriage, Tanmay - her husband - belonged to a different community ... a different part of the country actually.  In a country where the caste system still exists it had taken a lot more than just coaxing her parents to agree to go through the wedding.  It had been a quiet registered marriage followed by a quick traditional ceremony. 

While sorting out family issues after love, friendship was placed on the back burner. She couldn't share this with her  friend who was working in a different city. By the time the news reached Dhriti it was over 6 months.  Ananya was in a different city and she did not have her new number. There was e-mail but there was also the ego.  Dhriti was surprised but not any more than she was hurt.  She was happy for her friend and told herself that there must have been 'reasons' for her friend's behavior.  She assumed Ananya wanted the space and maintained her distance.  She did miss their friendship.

Three years later Dhriti was back in her hometown for a trip.  While at the supermarket she ran into Ananya's mother.  She was happy to see Dhriti and inquired about her life, she was also gushing about her new little grandson - Luv.  Dhriti was delighted to hear about Ananya's baby.  She asked for her phone and decided to let bygones be bygones...  she had to speak with her friend.  That evening she dialed her friend as thought's about what her Ananya might say or how she would react ran through her mind.  

"Hello Ananya! How's your baby doing?" is what she managed to speak as Ananya answered the call.  "Hello, umm Sorry... Who's this?"

"I knew you wouldn't recognise my voice.  Still Do you want to guess?"

"Your voice is soo familiar!.. I'm just not able to recollect"

"Its alright.  Three years is a long time... I'm someone you seem to have forgotten" Dhriti smiled and sighed as she said this.

"It you Dhriti! OH MY GOD! Its You! I'd recognize that smile anyday."

"How have you been? And how's the baby Luv?"

"Umm I'm good.  Luv is learning to stand...  How have you been?"

"Why did you not call me? I was always happy for you... "

"Dhriti... I'm Sorry! Really, I can't tell you how many times I thought of calling you but only stopped because I was afraid you'd be upset.  I missed you and then it seemed like it was too late.. It seemed awkward to call you.  I didn't know what to say... I'm really sorry!" Ananya paused to fight back her tears.

"Yeah, you should be. Well you can apologize every week till the rest of your life every time you call me" Tears welled up in her eyes as she said this. She knew Ananya was truly sorry.  She was still the same person and nothing seemed to have changed.

The rest of the conversation was alright. They spoke for two whole hours like they had never stopped talking and this was just another of the regular phone calls. They  met the following week are now in touch and very much at peace with  each other.

Sometimes its as easy as picking up a phone call to clear misapprehensions.  How many times do we actually do it?

The Bank of Secrets

Once upon a time, far far away there was a bank that specialised in locking away secrets.  Why have a bank you wonder?  Well, because some secrets are so heavy that they are difficult to bear.  Plus, depositing a secret in a bank meant a lighter heart along with the assurance that it was locked away in a safe. This bank also had Checking and a Current account system. the checking account was for individuals who visited only when they had to deposit secrets while the current account was for therapists and psychiatrists they would deposits their confidential secret files with the bank on a daily basis.  Opening an account was simple but it was making the deposits that took a little getting used to. When the customers had to deposit their secret they would need to cogitate over the subject they wanted to deposit.  The bank deposit section had a thinking room the place that facilitated the deposit process. 

The thinking room was the place where the secret extraction process took place.  The clients had to sit in the 'Extrication' chair which was similar to the dentist's chair but only they did not use the same tools. Next, a 'Thought Plucker' is placed over the head that it covers even the face.  The exercise then begins, the client has to think about what they want to deposit - The Secret. They have to close their eyes think about every little detail and let their thoughts flow and completely relax. When the entire process is complete the result is a key. This is the key to unlocking the secret that has been deposited. Each individual's key is unique as are their thoughts and secrets.  It's texture feels like it's made of lac. It's a delicate key the bank hands this key over to the client after payment procedure has been completed.

Ah yes.. The payment.  All customers are required to make a one time payment for every deposit that they make. The currency was gold bars, minimum value deposit cost about 3 gold bars.   The value for the deposits as per the key complication standard - the more twisted and great the secret the key design would be that much more complicated. This key would be handed over to them after the payment was complete.

The security was super tight but there were those rare instances of theft once in half a century or two and when that happened it sure did cause a scandal.  The theft was not because someone broke in but because someone went to retrieve the secret and could not contain it.  You know secrets,  they are generally deposited to be forgotten but for some reason some clients held on to the key and passed it on to somebody who happened to be a little too nosy.  Most clients would crush the ever delicate key as soon as they got their hands on it so the secret was sealed forever.

What if this bank existed today? Wonder what kind of secrets would be deposited. Who do you think would be its High Net Worth clients?